I struggle with depression and anti-social behavior, after all, but I feel as though I am finally getting a handle on recognizing the signs and backing off when needed. I also like to switch things up and learn about different things. Some days I wake up and just plain forget what I was trying to accomplish the day before. Whatever, right.

I played guitar for a while this morning and had such a feeling of gliding across the strings. The notes I wanted were under my fingers when I wanted them. I chose not to record it, because sometimes you have to sacrifice your art to the universe, and other times you need to capture it for all time.

One of the biggest reasons I have gone incognito is that I really wasn’t feeling well. I have struggled with my weight for decades, and had begun to get chest pains and extreme joint soreness. Totally out of shape. Never really be “in” shape anyway, but at least I could move. Now I felt like it was close to being over.

I wasn’t happy at all about that. I don’t want it to be over—it is just getting started in so many ways. And what would me dying like that show my kids? Such an awful legacy for a guy who professes to be all about the legacy, right?

I have tried a few different diets before, but it seems that I am not one for moderation. So I need to be extreme, and that is fine. I think my mind can handle the thought of going from extremely obese to extremely healthy.

So on May 9th, 2012 I decided to go vegan. I am eating mostly raw fruits and vegetables along with black beans and kidney beans. I am also using http://cronometer.com/ to make sure I am getting enough protein, vitamins and minerals. Amazingly easy, and it is costing me about $9.70 a day. I used to spend $3 a day on Monster drinks alone. Sometimes I’d go to McDonald’s and get a large sized Big Mac meal and a Quarter Pounder, and I think that was more than what I pay in a day for this new diet.

I am also trying to keep track of how much I spend, because I had a revelation of sorts a few weeks ago: I am trading my time for money every day at my job and then I am being carefree about that money. I am telling myself and the universe that my limited time is worthless.

I don’t think so!

So if I continue to reinforce to myself that my time is worthwhile and my body is worthwhile, then I can really see the next 5 years being something wonderful. My goal is to be on stage, playing my music, and I can see in shape Jeremy doing it. I never could see big fat Jeremy doing it.

Another concern I have is that I really don’t have too many people to confide in. I don’t know if this is a concern really, other than I need to derive all my ambition and propulsion to do better from myself, because everyone around me and in my life is doing something else and my dreams aren’t really all that important to them. I guess it would be nice to have someone to “talk shop” with once in a while.

Sure wish I could get advice from me in 5 years.

Being three hours away from my children is such a bummer. Luckily, when we get together every other week we always have a lot of fun. I hope that continues.

Fortnight

A fortnight without you
seems so long to go
but the time we share
always lets me know

It’s not about geography
Only love builds a legacy

I think of you
every night and day
yet I’ve struggled with
how best to say

You’ve made this life amazing
You’ve made my life worth saving

I miss my children
I wish they were here
Every hour away
Simply disappears

It makes me feel so helpless
But I try to make the best of it

If not for music
I’d hardly exist
it keeps me from dwelling
on all I miss

my time with them is fleeting
I do my best to enjoy it all

Add a comment here.

Rich and famous? No. Well known and appreciated? Yes.

Endorsed by Ibanez, EMG, D’Addarrio and others? Yes! I definitely need to figure out what amps and effects I want to go with as well.

My Body

Physically fit? Yes. Why? So I can sing well, play well, and continue to create for as long as possible.

YouTube!

I need to develop a full YouTube experience, following the suggestions laid down by Walliman.

They are: Be consistent; don’t beg for subscriptions; Audio is important; Catch Phrases; Be yourself; Ignore Bad Comments; A few thumbs down are okay.

Showcase my music, my thoughts, and my philosophies. More mentor than teacher.

Let’s see how I do!

I am nearly 39, and when I hit 40 I want to be real close to achieving all of this.

The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Here is the direct download link for my latest improvisation.

If you are pained by external things it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgment of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that power now.
Marcus Aurelius

In iTunes

Here it is on SoundCloud:

And here is take two, done the next day with a softer mix.

And here is the third take, again with a different mix. On SoundCloud or YouTube.

Add a comment here.

I get so tired of it. Perhaps trying to control it is the wrong idea. I know I chafe hard at the feeling of routine and structure. Maybe I should be considering the option of cooperation. Have I fallen off the deep end with that thought?

Schizophrenia and depression have always haunted me, and I try to be cooperative with respects to them. I make sure to back off when I am working too hard. I stop the spiraling, brooding thoughts as soon as I am able.

But to cooperate with another persona within?

A hearty “Whoa” in Keanu’s voice!

All I want

The only thing I really want to do with my time is to make music. I suffer almost everything else with the exception of spending time with my family.

I know that if I ever had a lot of money, I would get a personal chef slash guitar tech. How awesome would that be? It boggles the minds.

See what I did there?

So…cooperation.

I’ll try it.

Anyway

Jon Gomm is an independent, non-corporate musician. He sings songs, writes songs, and plays guitar, and spends a lot of his time travelling around playing gigs. He’s basically just trying to be an individual in a world that wants everything to sound the same. He’s not famous, but don’t worry he doesn’t want to be, and you’ve heard of him and that means a lot.

I found that on Jon Gomm’s SoundCloud page and I really like the sentiment of it. He has great music, but I know how hard it is to write a good blurb for these sites and this covers it so well.

Inspired by my son, as well as a few friends of mine, I have finally decided to write all my music in notation instead of tab. I will still use tab for quick fingering reference, but my goal is to be able to write and read the language as well as I can speak it. The part that seems to be hardest for me is the rhythmic notation; I really struggle with it. With time though, that should change.

I guess the biggest thought this has given me is Why didn’t you do this before? I don’t really have a good answer for that. Some part of me feels like being poetic about how I wanted to ensure that I was different than others, but no great orator arose from illiteracy, so why would I expect greatness if I wasn’t versed and educated as well as I could be?

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen

In truth, I was lazy

Maybe not all lazy, since I didn’t start with the thought of playing forever, but as soon as I knew it was going to be with me forever I should have made sure my foundation was strong. Regret is meaningless though, so I move on.

One good thing is I know the instrument so well, it is very easy for me to associate the note with the fret. Give me two years and I think I will be a passable sightreader, which is cool because I would like to be able to show up and play with other artists. What better way to facilitate that than to be able to read music well? Nobody would enjoy a debate between two people that spoke different languages.

The whole world loves a maverick and the whole world wants the maverick to achieve something nobler than simple rebellion.
Kevin Patterson

Finding the line

The place I want to inhabit is somewhere in between icon and iconoclast. Not well known and not completely unknown. Not Earth-shattering and not inconsequential. I want to reach people, I want to make a difference to a select group. Perhaps this is modesty, but really it is just being honest with myself: My music is not going to have a mass appeal.

And in the end, I am going to be fine with that. It is who I am, and I will not change who I am for money, fame or even free guitars.

I like someone who embraces life; who wants to be on a long journey but has no particular plan or destination in mind. An adventurous man, open to the concept of living life in the moment.
Jill Hennessy

In case you are interested

Here is a pdf that I use to write down my music. Perhaps you can find interest in it. The top line is for lyrics, then there is a treble and bass clef followed by a drum clef. After that is a tab grid for guitar and 5 string bass.

Music Notation Paper by Jeremy Ryan Palmer

I had this strange dream about a rabbit and the next day I recorded this.

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one’s self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily.
Thomas Szasz

Here is the direct download link for my latest improvisation.

In iTunes

Here it is on SoundCloud:

And here is a second take:

Add a comment here.

Mr. Fluffypants is a little stuffed animal my son had. It was so cute and yet when I played this thinking of him it came out sounding pretty tough.

There comes a point in every creatives life where the path is hidden. There are no maps, only hope. No guides other than your own heart. We light the path with emotion and inspiration. Perhaps a mile or a inch might be visible, but we can’t turn back if we are to achieve our potential.

Sometimes we make the mistake of seeking help for too long, but in the end we must find our path all ourselves. We might find technical help, but the path we end up walking becomes guided more by our philosophy than anything else.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world.
Albert Einstein

The path ahead

There were many years that I thought I wanted to create a completely unique style, but then I gave up that quest because it was getting in the way of wholeheartedly creating anything. I don’t really think that I am creating something crazy unique, and I have serious doubts as to whether it will attract a flock of people that will feel engaged enough to follow in my footsteps, but I am hoping that I can find fans of my work.

I was asked recently what my style was and I have no short answer for it. My style is exemplified by the desire to do things differently. It is different because I am different. I couldn’t play the same stuff all the time, I need variety. Constant change. What book shall I read to help with that?

Work banishes those three great evils: boredom, vice and poverty.
Voltaire

My style laid out

Where metal is concerned with fantasy and anger and power, I want address all of human emotion. Where jazz is cerebral yet in many instances sounds neutered and borderline unexpressive, I want to use theory and intelligent instrumentation but retain the ability to be expressive much in the way a great movie soundtrack is able to maintain that apparent dichotomy. Where blues is filled with licks and turnarounds and bends, I want to retain the emotive force and improvisational feel, but extend it through more complex harmonies.

I strive to have a very vocal feel to some of my guitar playing. I want my improvisations to be honest and indicative of me at the moment, mistakes and all. I am human and mistakes are an important part of life.

The artist finds a greater pleasure in painting than in having a completed picture.
Seneca